I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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