Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
