Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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