theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
