So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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