My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
