last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize