One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
