it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
