Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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