Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Randomize
