Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
