I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
3pm strippers are depressing
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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