Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize