I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
