Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
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