There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
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