I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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