Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
