What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
