Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
