and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
