Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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