Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
