I think I can smell my own vagina right now
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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