dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
