you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How drunk are you?
Completed.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
