Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Randomize
