atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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