u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize