Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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