we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
and you fell through a lawn chair
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
