You made me cry and you don't even care
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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