drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
