I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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