Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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