Old men and throwing up are my life now.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
