FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Randomize