i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
