is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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