its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
