I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
There is a new fb quiz: "are you at ypical woman, future ex or from crazy town" - should i take it?
Aren't all three of those the same though?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
