my mouth tastes like poor choices
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
