May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
