fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Randomize