I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Found your dick twin last night
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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