margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
