I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
