well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
did i just pee glitter
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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