I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
