what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Randomize
