i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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