it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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