just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
accomplished twins. life is a go
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize