I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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