The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I have aggressive nipples.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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