He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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