The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
