Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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