She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize
