is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
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