I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
