There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
