once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
