I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Come share oat with me in your robe
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
