Tell her she can't have a vagina
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
