Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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