so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
