Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
