I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
