bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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