Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
