worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Every concussion has its silver lining
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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