i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
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