i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Randomize
