He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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