i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
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