apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
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