it was like eating out sand paper
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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