I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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