dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
