it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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