But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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