i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
