stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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