you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Randomize
