Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
