I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
