Well douche your snatch and let's go!
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
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