What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
