Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Boobs are out for the taking
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
