And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
