does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize