So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
