summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
