my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
I just want nice things and good sex
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
