I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
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