I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
