Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
