after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize