a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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