I want to walk on stilts...naked
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Randomize
