Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
