She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize